I have been watching many people get married lately, some their first, some their second & some even for the third time. I have noticed that many of them are so focused on getting married rather than staying married. Marriage is a process, a journey. Marriage takes time. We don’t just go to the alter and now we are done.
So many brides spend their whole life planning their wedding but never think about planning their marriage. Why is that? I think society has planted the seed in peoples’ minds that it’s all about getting married and it is not. It really is all about staying married! Getting married is the EASY part. Staying happily married is a different story.
Why is it that people wait to talk about their belief systems until they are getting married or even after marriage? If both of you have strong beliefs then they better match and be on the same page or in my opinion it won’t last. Some may disagree but look at the facts, most marriages don’t make it with different beliefs. Granted, I have seen some make it for the long-haul but that is FAR from normal.
I have seen some people marry even though they have different religions. Here is what happens, they both try their best to convert each other over time. Then when they have kids, the kids get confused because they are being tugged by both sides. Church is supposed to be a place for families to worship and thank God. If there is no Unity in the home then you can’t expect it to last.
I believe that people should talk about their belief systems at the beginning of dating so they can know if they can live with each other’s belief systems. I also believe that the 2 people can be 100% opposite but not in their beliefs. Beliefs are the foundation of the marriage and without that the marriage will not hold together.
I have said all that because our journey begins after we say I do. There will be a lot of compromising if you are going to have a lasting marriage. Both of you have to learn to grow together as one. I think communication between couples is one of the biggest problems in marriage. When communication breaks down is when one or both sides start becoming selfish in the relationship. Once that happens, unless you turn things around quick you are headed for disaster.
Now I am not saying you shouldn’t marry but there are things to think about before you marry so that you can start out on a strong point. But once you have things in order and know the direction you both are going, all I can say is there is nothing like the journey.
Our journey together for the last almost 11 years has been great. I could’t ask for a better wife for me. We do so much together and we still can’t get enough of each other. We are looking forward to 50+ years together!! We are excited about out marriage and our future.
So the point of this is to figure out what kind of marriage you want before you go get married. What religion as a family will you follow? (Hopefully you will be following Christ!) How will you raise your kids? Who will work or will both or will you own a business together? What responsibilities will each of you have in marriage? Its all about planning how the two of you will be within your marriage. If you can figure that out and come to a pretty good agreement, you will be at a better advantage than many people who marry because you will be thinking about being married not just getting married!
Once you figure out how you want your marriage to be and you agree on most things with your mate then you might be ready to take the next step. There are people that can help you with all of this from your pastor or a counselor. Never and I repeat Never go get advice from people who have never had a good relationship unless you want to follow them.
Be Inspired or Be Left Behind!
Chris Benton